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''Lord bless my hustle''.. This had become my prayer every day and this morning was no exception, as I towed my 'taxi car' out of the compound after friends had helped me push it. In less than five minutes on the road I had picked a lady who seemed to admire my dispensation and command of English, and realised soon enough that it was merely circumstances that put me in such position. At least someone on a similar intellectual level as me genuinely appreciated my hustle. I asked her not to pay, we exchanged numbers, and she gave me a soft peck on my right chick, telling me she'd like to see more of me. I was in a frenzy for about thirty seconds, and when she left the goose bumps that have flooded my skin must have been able to provide electric current to a house. I had the notion that the whole of my day would be as smooth as the first. I greeted everyone with a calm, was in a sincerely jovial mood, all because of a kiss.   As I moved into a rather calm and

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas (fart), but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these drugs and come back to see me next week. The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your nose, let's work on your hearing."

My stem's planted firmly where I am allotted. My tail is wavy and my face is quite blotted. I relay much emotion though flatly I'm spotted, And I grow half my size whenever I'm dotted. I can speak any language, yet utter no words. I'm no seed, yet I am well known among birds. But I do have a speech impediment: I can say cage but not page, aged but not wage. I can say deaf but not red, bed but not sled. I live on a highway that's structurally sound, Where you might see my friends accidentally bound. It has many lanes, and also long lines. There are lots of sharp turns, but plenty of signs. I am played but not won, made but not spun. The key is to measure before you've begun. What am I?

In recent times, discreet and enormous complaints have been going round about the positive or negative effects the new Buhari Osibanjo's administrative office has brought to Nigeria. Some say he is doing nothing, some he is working and changing things, and while some others, he is making things worse.The question really is not what we can see, at least for now because the game of life is hardly visible to the eyes. The question is, ''What are we doing to effect change''. That being said, I would love to relate my perspective of the new administration to my viewers.    Buhari is highly experienced so I expect much of him, but he is ageing, so at the same time I don't expect too much. For a fact he forgets a lot and that really scares me. The truth is he has a real desire to bring change, and even with the burden of the mistakes of our past presidents which he has to bear, his commitment to his work marvels me. A lot of money has been refunded 'like magic'

A 90 years old man goes to Doctor and they had the following conversations; . OLD MAN: Doctor, my 28 years old wife is pregnant, what's your opinion?" . DOCTOR : Let me tell you a story; A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of his hunting rifle. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella pulls the handle and... BANG!!! The lion drops dead!" . OLD MAN: (Exclaims) That's impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion. . DOCTOR : EXACTLY MY POINT

One day Mike and John were watching T.V when the news came on, showing a man standing on a bridge about to commit suicide, suddenly Mike said "I'll bet $10 that the guy won't jump off", John said I bet $10 that he will jump. Unfortunately for Mike the man jumped off the bridge, Mike accepted his fate and stretched forth the money but John didn't take it, saying "I can't take the money because I cheated, I already saw the news this morning" but Mike insisted and said "no you can take it, I cheated too, I also watched the news this morning, I just didn't know the guy will be silly enough to jump again!

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One day a man saw a old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her  Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. I t was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.” Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a flat mate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his flat mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his flat mate. Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just flat mates." The following day, his flat mate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you? He said, "Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure!" He sat down and wrote, Dear mom, After your visited me, the silver plate has been missing. I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. A man asked why? The Edo man smiled &said, according to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get". The man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". Another man dropped N50,000 and said, "add this incase it's not enough". Chinedu smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach there, after all, this is a cashless economy

It was at a party and  the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. He was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then he got an idea.... He turned to the crowd of guests and said, "Will those who are from the bride's side of the family stand up please?" About twenty people stood. Then he asked, "Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" About twenty five people stood up. He then smiled and said, - - - "Will all those who stood please leave? This is a birthday party.

When I was in the seventh grade, the responsibilities I had to carry out were as deep as creating a realistic plan for the future. Petty thoughts were seen as only permitted only in elementary school. Music and movies were also talks of the town, but the music had meaning and carried a message while the movies were homely. Musics like Backstreet boys, tupac shakur, Michael Jackson, Bob Marley, Majek Fashek, Celine Dion, and even gospel artists like Don Moen, Ron Kenoly, Tom Inglis were in vogue, and when we relate, we relate on a realistic basis. People also had great interest in reading novels.    On getting to ninth grade, I saw the obvious reduction in maturity of the then seventh grade. It was sad but I knew it would get worse. Now, the songs talk about mundane things, it is just beats, and vain statements. Our interests in reading books has reduced over time. The lives of celebrities, from what they wear to their sleeping time has become the talk of the day.    The music we list

Terry who was a houseboy usually sneaks into his Boss's room, drinks his wine and adds water to top it up. One day his Boss bought a new wine called pasties, it was a French wine that changes colour if water is added onto it. Terry unaware of this, sneaks into his Boss's room, drank the new wine and added water on it. Immediately it started changing colour. TERRY: I am in trouble, big trouble! He ran to the kitchen. Meanwhile, boss and Mistress were seated in the parlor, while Terry was in the kitchen. BOSS: Terry! TERRY: Boss! BOSS: Who drank my pasties?! No answer! BOSS: Terry, who drank my pasties?! No answer. Boss walked to the kitchen and saw Terry there. BOSS: Are you insane or what?! Why when I call, you say "Boss" but when I ask you a question you don't answer me? TERRY: Boss when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything except your name. BOSS: Is that so? Okay go to the parlor, stand beside Mistress and ask me a question whil

This are my links on the internet www.ijinle.strikingly.com Oroge David- facebook Ijinle- Facebook page Grogz9- Twitter

Michael arrived at a doctor's office yesterday morning complaining of serious backache. The doctor examined him and asked, ''What did you do to your back?'' The man replied, You know that i'm a bouncer at a night club?'' Yesterday morning i got home to my flat quite early and heard a noise from my bedroom. As i entered, i got to know someone is sleeping with my wife as my wife was lying Unclad on the bed and the back door was open. I rushed out through the back door and did not find anyone. As i looked down from the back door i saw a man down stairs running out of the building and was dressing himself up. I quickly grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That is how i strained my back. The doctor treated him and he left. In the afternoon, another man arrived looking as if he had been in a car wreck. The doctor said; ''My last patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What happened to you?'' The man replied, ''You know i have been

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."  The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."  The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Change-Incoming ( Father with his PA in the parlor, Father reading a newspaper when his daughter Oyin walks in talking on the phone ) Oyin - It’s because of this rubbish fuel people, I couldn’t make it. ( Listens to the caller for a short while. ) What! ( shocked) I can’t.. Dollar has increased unreasonably. ( Pauses, looks at her phone ) my battery is almost dead. Light hasn’t blinked for the past three days. ( With bitterness) I’m going to leave this country before it kills me. ( Ends the call, and turns to her father ) Good evening dad, ( leaving ) Father - How are you my dear Oyin? Oyin - ( Stops, and returns some distance ) Fine Dad ( sounding frustrated, and feigns a smile )... Just fine ( leaves ) ( After a while, the first son, Tyson walks in while receiving a call. ) Tyson - True man. It’s all good… Naah, we’ll handle the inflation. Mtchew! ( Pauses to listen to his caller. ) Fuel? No big deal. We still have public transport now? ( Laughs ). Forget the price, w

        People over the world have Nigeria at the back of their minds in regards to the whole election period and it's results. People frequently asked, "Is this right?", "Was there rigging?", "Are we sure Buhari is the right man?", "Did he win justifiably?". I would love to address the question raised concerning Buhari- "Did he win justifiably?". I am a political science student at Babcock university. I am not saying my opinion is perfect or should be trusted, but much research has gone into the man in question, his campaign, and the power he would assume on May 28, 2015. By the way, that's my girlfriends' birthday.           Proper study has shown that President Goodluck Jonathan has a larger amount of followers. Adding up the eastern and south-west states, and a few states in the north, Jonathan had enough backing to win the election. When PEOPLE'S DEMOCRATIC PARTY(PDP) made an advert with the following statements re

This is a true life story that must be read by everyone!"A couple lost their 25 year old son in a fire at home few month back. The son who had graduated with MBA, two weeks earlier had come home for a while. He had lunch with his dad at home and decided to go back to bed. His father told him to wait, to meet his mother, before he went back for a few days. He decided to take a nap while waiting for his mom to come back home from work. Some time later their neighbors called 911 when they saw black smoke coming out of the house. Unfortunately, the 25 years old died in the three year old house. It took several days of investigation to find out the cause of the fire. It was determined that "the fire was caused by the laptop resting on the bed". When the laptop was on the bed, cooling fan did not get the air to cool the computer and that is what caused the fire. He did not even wake up to get out of the bed because he died of breathing in carbon monoxid

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept" Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" This is called "Being Professional" Focus only on what you are trained to do! When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" This is called "Experience." Nowadays, experience is more im

Three Sperms are discussing about their future: SPERM 1: I will be a doctor when I'm born. SPERM 2: I will be a Footballer. SPERM 3: As for me, I will be a . . . (Oh my God!) SPERM 1 & 2: What is it? SPERM 3: Our future is ruined. The guy is MASTURBATING!!! 

We all have something that is eating us, but we mostly choose to keep it to ourselves. It will reside there and continue to destroy every 'fibre' of our being until we are 'done for'. Most times when horrible things hit us, we just say ''shit happens''. Shit does happen, but one of the best way to deal with it is to talk about it. Sometimes, we just need to overlook the shame and look for a way of rescue. I encountered a similar problem recently.       Stressful lectures, tiring walks, and no form of rest had completely dehydrated me. I realized I was also famished, so I decided to go to the school cafeteria to feel my tummy. Inside I noticed a middle age lady, who was astonishingly beautiful. Her hair looked like it felt like silk. She was as fair as the morning sun. She revealed a tiny part of her cleavage. I was overwhelmed by her incredible bodily perfection. I adored her. She blew my mind. I wanted to talk to her but I felt intimated. She was not w

Thursday, last week was one of the most amazing days of my life. I was overwhelmed to be in the presence of two emeritus professors give a lecture during a seminar about politics in Nigeria. Undergraduates, postgraduates, and even PHD  students were all present.They went into very deep things the normal eyes could not see but made perfect sense. They first explained and elaborated on the principles of Karl Marx, shedding more light to the shallow understanding we had of him, and the Marxism theory. Then they revealed the weakness of PDP and APC in less than a minute and he made some predictions about the forthcoming elections and Nigeria's future. I was a little disappointed because my course mates didn't seem to take interest at all in they were saying. A lot of them even slept off. Probably because they went too deep and to them, The professors were 'yarning dust'. What gave me great joy was that after the seminar, because of the contributions I made, one of them c

Have you ever been harassed or assaulted by a homosexual before? I just moved to a hostel in college which was not en suite. It was my first day of going to use the bathroom allocated for that floor. There were three vacant spaces so I chose one to use. As i got to the level of using soap, two heavily built men approached my corner with just underpants. I was taken off guard and I shouted ''what!!''. Their silence got me embarrassed and I felt a little at ease. The uneasiness continued when they didn't leave and were just chilling. ''They are contemplating on how to take the first strike on me''. I am big in size too so i felt i could have been a difficult catch for them, so they needed to strategize, and besides i have no idea how those 'things' work. My body was soapy so i felt they were waiting because it would not be safe to start anything yet. My fear kept on increasing. My phone was not with me, and i know it would be totally absurd to

I think a lot of us are sick and tired of all the chaos and traumatising experiences that follow election in Africa- Nigeria as a point of contact.We keep on saying our duty is to vote and act as patriots in order for the country to develop. Well, allow me to say LMAO. If I decide to be a patriotic citizen, and I believe that my neighbour will, and the bandits children would, then the highest state of ignorance has overwhelmed me. In fact, being a good citizens may mean I would be deprived of many goodies that the country has to offer. I could even be persecuted.. Why the hell would I suffer if it is not for Christ.     Now the question is.. What do we do as individuals to affect our environment. First, we have to accept the truth- if we choose to be patriots, there is no guarantee it would be appreciated and accepted by all, and it may even deprive us of certain pleasures. If we know this and we don't love our country with passion then don't bother. Go to work tomorrow, chang

Let me tell you all a very touching story.. A little boy saw a young puppy in a very bushy area. He picked it up and started touching it. He kept on touching and touching it... Like I said, it's a very touching story